PLEASE SEE ME
THROUGH MY TEARS
You asked,
"How are you doing?"
As I told you,
tears came to my eyes.
You immediately began to talk again,
your eyes looked away from me,
your speech picked up,
and all the
attention you had given me
went away.
How am I doing?
I do better when
you will listen to my response,
even though I may shed a tear of two,
for I so want your attention.
But to be ignored because I
have, in me, pain which is so
""indescribable""
to anyone who has not been
there -
I hurt and feel angry,
So, when you look away,
I'm again alone with it.
Really,
tears are not a bad sign you know.
They're nature's way
of helping
me to heal.
They relieve some of the stress of sadness.
I know you fear that asking me how
I'm doing brought this sadness to me.
No, you're wrong,
the memory of
my loss will always be with me,
only a thought away.
It.s just that my tears make
my pain more
visible to you
but you did not give me the pain,
it's just there.
When I cry,
could it be that you feel helpless?
You' re not, you know.
When I feel your permission
to allow my tears to flow,
you've helped me more than you can know.
You need not verbalize
your support of my tears.
Your silence
as I cry is
my key,
Do not fear.
You listening with your heart
to
"How are you doing,"
helps relieve the pain ,
because once I allow the
tears to come and go,
I feel lighter.
Talking to you releases things
I've been wanting to say aloud,
and then there's space for
a touch
of joy in my life.
Honestly , when I tear up and cry,
that doesn't mean I'll cry forever -
maybe just a minute or two -
then I'll wipe the tears away,
and sometimes you'll find
I'm even laughing at something funny
ten minutes later.
When I hold back my tears,
my throat grows tight,
my chest aches and
my stomach begins to knot up,
because,
I'm trying to protect you from my tears.
Then we both hurt - me,
because I've kept the pain inside
and it's a shield against our closeness,
and then, you hurt because
suddenly,
we're distant.
Please take my hand and
I promise not to cry forever,
It's
physically impossible , you know.
AUTHUR UNKNOWN
ADDENDUM
ADDED BY PASTOR BRAD HARRIS
THE FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH
OF CLAY CITY, ILLINOIS
"Rev 21:1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth.
For the first heaven
and the first earth had passed away.
And the sea no longer is.
Rev 21:2 And I, John, saw the holy city,
New Jerusalem,
coming down from God out of Heaven,
prepared as a bride
adorned for her Husband.
Rev 21:3 And I heard a great voice
out of Heaven saying,
Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men,
and He will dwell with them,
and they will be His people, and God Himself
will be with them and be their God.
Rev 21:4 And God will wipe away
all tears
from their eyes.
And there will be
no more death,
nor mourning,
nor crying
out,
nor will there be any more pain;
for the
first things passed away.
Rev 21:5 And He sitting on the
throne said,
Behold, I make all
things new. And He said to me,
Write, for these words are true and faithful. "
.........................................................................................................
""SURVIVING"
There's no way to know,
in those first, early years,
if the crying will stop,
be an ending to tears.
But slowly, so slowly,
through the grieving and time,
will come moments and days,
when hopefulness shines.
Backwards and forwards,
into darkness, then out,
we begin to start living;
scraps of new life peek out.
This happens most surely,
survivors will tell,
when we find time for others
and give of ourselves.
...............................................................
Thank you, Genesse Bourdeau Gentry
"STARS IN THE DEEPEST NIGHT"
dedicated to her daughter,
LORI ANN ELIZABETH GENTRY
2/2/70 - 6/28/91
Holes in my Quilt
As I faced my
Maker
at the last judgment,
I knelt before the
Lord
along with all the other
souls.
Before each of us laid our
lives
like the squares of a
quilt
in many piles.
An Angel
sat before each of us
sewing
our
quilt squares together
into a
tapestry that is our life.
But as my
angel
took each piece of cloth
off the pile,
I noticed how
ragged and empty
each of my squares was.
They were filled with
giant holes.
Each square was
labeled with a part of
my life that had been
difficult,
the challenges
and temptations
I was faced with in
everyday life.
I saw hardships
that I endured, which
were the largest
holes
of all.
I glanced around me.
Nobody
else had
such squares.
Other than a tiny hole here
and there,
the other
tapestries
were filled with rich
color and the bright
hues of worldly fortune.
I gazed upon my own life and
was
disheartened.
My angel
was sewing the
ragged pieces of cloth together,
threadbare
and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when
each life
was to be displayed,
held up to the light,
the scrutiny of truth.
The others rose,
each in turn,
holding up their tapestries.
So filled their lives had been.
My angel looked upon me,
and
nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped
to the ground in
shame.
I hadn't had all the
earthly fortunes.
I had
love in my life, and laughter.
But there had
also been
trials of illness, and death, and false
accusations
that took from me
my world,
as I knew it.
I had to start over many times.
I often struggled
with
the temptation to quit,
only to somehow muster the
strength
to pick up and begin again.
I spent many
nights on my knees in prayer,
asking for
help and guidance in my life.
I had been held up to ridicule,
which I endured painfully,
each time offering it up to the
Father
in hopes that
I would not melt within my skin
beneath the
judgmental gaze
of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth.
My life was what it was,
and
I had to
accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined
squares
of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air.
I gazed around
at the others who stared at me
with wide eyes.
Then,
I looked upon the tapestry before me.
Light flooded the many holes,
creating an image,
the face of
Christ.
Then our Lord stood before me,
with
warmth and love in His eyes.
He said,
"Every time you gave over your life to Me,
it became
My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of
light
in your life is when you
stepped
aside and let
Me
shine through,
until there was more
of
Me than there was of you."
May all our quilts be
threadbare and worn,
allowing
Christ to shine through